A Tough Start

I would say that one of my biggest positives as a teacher is....my positivity!  I truly believe that I can make a difference.  I know that my smile and laughter will help at least one kid today.  I work hard to create a happy environment in our room.  Room 1113 MUST be a positive haven.  Room 1113 HAS to be somewhere students feel joy in and ownership over.  That's how I will succeed in the long run.

I really believe that.

Working on shifting ownership of the room and encouraging students to feel comfortable and 'at home' has been an enormously positive change in my practice.

No more rows.
No more assigned seating.
No more teacher desk.
No more, "Sit and be compliant," rather, "Be respectful and learn."

It's been good.

But right now, it's a struggle.  So hard.

Not the shifting, not the doing what I believe is right.  No.  That's all good.  It's the day-to-day business of this semester.

Year 4 was supposed to be my 'thank you' for three hard years.  I guess that I need to get over that!  Year 4 is actually going to be the hardest year yet.  Is that why they say you have to last 5 years to know that you'll remain in the profession?  Is year 4 just a deep, dark, and dreadful secret that no one shares? 

Maybe it's a natural progression.  Perhaps it's the year that you feel confident so you bite off more than you can chew (and there I was, thinking year 3 was that year!).  After all, I was the one silly enough to sign up for an endorsement class.  Why?  What was I thinking?  I was the one who thought that I deserved to have two riding lessons a week instead of one.  Really?  Well, that booked up the week, didn't it?  It was my fault for being motivated to help start and then throw myself full-bodied into the PLC that is planning to change what we know about grading in our county.  Yup. All me.  It was my choice to implement daily reading to Room 1113, which puts more pressure on to manage the pacing guide, means more time out of the classroom to give feedback and support to the kiddos.  I made all these decisions that are taking over my life.

Am I moaning?

You betcha.

Would I have it any other way?

Heck no!

Now, the new textbook, change of curriculum, complete 'back to square 1' lesson planning, THAT I would change - but that's the one factor I have NO control over.  That's the one implementation I have to do, and so I will.  Because I might be a bold adventurer, but I'm a rule follower too. 

So, year 4 will be a challenge.  It is what it is.  My kids will benefit from my efforts, I have to believe that.  Will I find ways around this textbook to give my students the best experience I can create for them?  Yes, I will.  Might I need to refocus every week?  Yes indeed - and that's OK, because I love this crazy life, and I love my kids.

Go get'em Bryson!